September 20, 2010 § 8 Comments
Infertility is the cause of many tears I have shed over the last five years. Sometimes I was so raw that I felt the tears would never stop. A flood from some deep dark place that would only ebb for a few hours and then break loose again. What is truly amazing to me is that God knows. He is there. The Bible tells us, He is the God of all comfort, but we often forget that He remembers our tears.
Psalm 56:8 (ESV) says, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” The word tossings means a lamentation, or wandering. Haven’t you felt that way? Not knowing what to do next, not finding relief from the grief, wandering, tossing. Oh and God has kept count of it all. He knows what is going on inside you. He alone can truly say, “I understand.” Not only that, but He keeps our tears in a bottle. God holds our tears in a bottle to remember them, to memorialize our grief, and to let us know He cares. He doesn’t let one tear drop to the ground without catching it. Isn’t that wonderfully amazing? That the God who holds the universe together, the God that made the mountains, the oceans, the Grand Canyon, cares enough about me. A person made from dust and to dust I will on day return. I am like a dandelion, here today and gone tomorrow. Yet God keeps my tears I have shed because He cares for me! Not only does He keep my tears in a bottle, where they get mixed up and it is difficult to know if that one tear was for my children I will never hold or for the time I broke my arm. No He wants to know why each tear was shed. So He records it in His book. Oh some of the tears I may wish I never wasted. Tears over toys or sin I thought I needed. However most of those tears written down to see will be an amazing testimony of God with me. I cannot wait to get to heaven and see those tear records. My bottle of tears. Honestly I suspect my bottle will be quite smaller than others. I suspect that I have lived easier times than many others. Yet God doesn’t say that I will only keep the tears of those who really deserve to cry, no He will keep all our tears. Recorded for us to remember. In heaven we will have the full picture, we will see God’s glorious plan through the tears. What an amazing way to see God glorified – through our tears!
Are you crying tears of longing, grief, and pain today? As you cry remember God is gathering up those tears, writing them down, and loving you through this difficult time. When you can, thank God for His amazing gift of remembrance that we may glorify Him in our tears.
August 27, 2010 § Leave a comment
Infertility isn’t fair. Especially since we want babies, we would be great moms, so why can’t we have children? That question has been bouncing around in my brain lately. Especially after news that a sweet friend has finished her journey of fertility treatments unsuccessfully and another sweet friend is feeling that baby hunger again years after her unsuccessful treatments. It just isn’t fair.
So what do we do with these facts: the fact that there are children born to people who do not care for
them and do not take care of them or that women are willingly aborting precious ones? My human brain cannot compute the injustice. I do not understand. Yet God is good, He is just, He is faithful, AND He is all-powerful. So we have some options. We can stew in our whys, our fist shaking, and our bitterness. We can become women no one wants as a friend. We can hold on to what we think are “our rights.” I am a woman, it is my right to bear children. We can stand in defiance, but will bitterness or claiming we deserve better change our circumstances? No.
Ladies, we live in a fallen sinful world. God who is all-powerful and all-knowing allows the injustices of the world to happen. I will not pretend to know all the whys. I believe God uses all the bad stuff and hard stuff to create change in our lives (Ro 8:28). He allows testing of our faith, He uses pain to get our attention, He always has His reasons (1Pet 1:6-7). We cannot understand His ways (Isa 55:8), nor understand all the whys, yet God promises that we will one day fully know (1 Cor 13:12). Instead of allowing our whys to change us into bitter women, we can allow our whys to point us to heaven.
Heaven, where there are no more tears or mourning (Rev 21:4). When we are heavenly minded, we are able to put our hope in God. For those of us who have conceived only to lose children, we have the hope of seeing them in heaven. For those of us who have never conceived we have the hope of having spiritual children with us in heaven. Those people we have discipled during our lives and encouraged to grow in Christ. Heaven where God lives. When we are heavenly minded, we are Godly minded. Being Godly minded reminds us that our pain and mourning are only temporary. We find our hope in the joy that is to come, just as Jesus did when He went to the cross (Hebrews 12:2).
Ladies, let us use those feelings of injustice and unfairness to retrain our minds to focus on God. Let us not dwell on what we do not understand allowing a root of bitterness to grow. Instead, let us dwell on what we know, that God has a reward waiting for those who know Christ Jesus as their Savior. Heaven. Praise God for His provision.
Father God, help us not to allow our whys to pull us into the abyss of bitterness. Help us use our feelings of injustice and questions of why as cues to turn our thoughts heavenward. Help us to think on You and on the glory that is awaiting us in heaven. Lord we give you the pain of grief, mourning, and injustice. We lay it at Your feet and we pray You will help us to focus on You. Give us an eternal worldview that we may continue to grow closer to You. In Jesus’ precious and holy name we pray. Amen.