October 13, 2010 § 4 Comments
I am enthralled with the Chilean mine rescue that is continuing as I type these words. I am amazed at God’s perfect provision for these men. I am awed at the faith, courage, and perseverance these men have displayed. The idea of being trapped underground for one hour freaks me out. The fact that these men have been there, alive, and generally healthy for months baffles me. It just goes to show me what our God is able to do. I am so glad to see fewer men underground as the hours pass by and I nearly dissolve into a puddle of tears as I see each man raised, essentially from the dead. I am in awe.
This awe is leaking over into my way of thinking about infertility. It often feels like I am stuck in a dark, confined space, when I know God made me for bigger things. I am made to bear children, I am made to mother children. Oh, but I am stuck in a dark hole. I am awaiting rescue. My all-powerful God can make it happen. If God can work things out so that a drill bit cuts into the emergency shelter the 33 mine workers were trapped in, then provide those men with pen, paper, and mental acuity so they can attach a note to the bit, letting everyone know they are alive, then my God can do a miracle in my mine of infertility.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I can get the miracle I want. God could miraculously give my husband and I another child, in my body. Since my tubes are tied, that would be nothing short of an act of God. God could also bring a child that needs adopted and place him or her on our doorstep. You see we cannot go through the emotional ups and downs of treatments or adoption. It would be too hard on us all. Instead, God would have to give us a child. One meant for us to adopt, and make it clear that he or she was from Him. Finally God could do a miracle in my heart and give me contentment in my current situation.
No matter how God chooses to get me out of the mine of infertility, I know He can and He will. I just have to be patient, like those miners. I have to stay in shape, I have to “arm myself with Christ’s attitude” 1 Peter 4:1. I have to trust in God. He is faithful. I just have to rest in Him.
Father God, help me to rest in knowing You are able, You are God, and You have a plan for a miracle in my life. Let my heart be teachable and malleable to Your will and Your ways. Forgive me for despair. Help me to rest in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.